Autumn Return and Apple Day

Autumn is here. I am back. Turns out that I stopped blogging for the summer.

We had a great summer with our family and friends from all over the world. I have yet to get any of the pictures uploaded. There were so many good ones from many talented photographers so I just let it go. My health and time got the better of me once we returned home. The kids all seem to have had a great summer. Kiah got a long stay in the US and returned home to A's and B's in her GCSE exams. She takes such pride in her school work and it get taken for granted because she works so steadily at it. I hope she knows how much I admire her for her commitment to school and her drive to succeed. Dylan has decided to go back to school now too, and while she is not jumping up and down about it, I am really happy for that too. If it is possible to look back at your life and choose which of your regrets you would "do-over" if you could, getting more education would be mine. I didn't realize the enormity of the world at my fingertips when it was within reach. Even though she might look at it as "just a childcare course" already the ideas that I hear her speak of and the awareness that is being expanded by her classes is wonderful. I hope that this year is a positive experience for her and that it can lead to more as she chooses.

Axel was working hard getting the first annual Tablehurst Orchard/Brambletye Apple Festival off the ground. Back before we left for vacation he was submitting proposals to various locations to find a site to hold the event. After the site was booked it was a matter of permits and plans and people. He continued to work the rest of the summer along with his other duties in the orchards and with me at home, and plan the big Apple Day event. I watched him and was in awe of how he just set out to do it, and made it happen. I don't know if he was intimidated by it at all, but I have to be honest and say that I would have been. If he was he never let on to me.



The big day was on Sunday and it was a huge success! I cannot say enough how proud I am of what Axel accomplished with it. I heard from several people that it was a really unique event in our village. The picture perfect weather drew people out of their homes and they came to the celebration. One thing that was great is that he partnered up with the Transition Town committee (which is an drive to encourage local products and ecology/sustainability)which drew some very dynamic people to participate. They brought a juice press and made juice for everyone (free!) with apples that the orchard provided. Students from the local Steiner school did face painting as a fund raiser for their class, students from the college in the storytelling program came and did some performances of apple stories and other tales. It was well received by children and parents alike and a great chance for the new students to get right to the practice of telling stories to an audience. It was something that Axel as a dad knows would be appreciated by the children for entertainment and the parents appreciate having something that their children can enjoy whilst they enjoy themselves with other goings on too. That is priceless, and can be in short supply around here. Especially that which doesn't cost a fortune.



There was an apple baking competition which the winners received a tree in the new Adopt A Tree program that they have launched at the orchard. It is such a great program and an awesome prize for the contest. I was so sad to be gluten free because the entries look delicious and judging by the swarm and increasing number of judges as the tasting went on they were every bit as yummy as they looked. It is my goal this week to make myself something yummy sweet and gluten free with these lovely apples.



Axel's strength is in his love for people and his vision of farming has always been led by his view of community,food, and celebration. I know that if he can tap that and channel it into something that it will be a great success. I get excited for the future as people and ideas come together and we head into our next planning phase. I feel afraid to speak too loudly about any one thing in case I don't listen to all opportunities and directions, but there are some that are really getting our attention. I have registered to begin a French language course at the Open University. It's a small piece in a very big picture, but it is part of what I get to do towards it all right now. Wish me luck!

My Little Princess

My little princess isn't so little anymore. She turned 16 last Wednesday and Friday was her prom. Prom here is done the year you finish your GCSE exams since that is the year that students scatter to different schools and training programs. They only get one chance to go to prom, as only those in the finishing class can attend. It is quite the anticipated occasion.

I thought that it was going to be easier when Kiah turned 16 than it was when Dylan turned. You know - because I had been through it before so it was somehow going to be less of an emotional moment for me. Turns out that was wishful thinking. In fact there seems to be a bit more of a bitter sweet this time around. I have a picture of Dylan and Kiah by my bed of when they were just little girls that I look at often. My mind can barely wrap itself around how grown up they are now.

When did this baby, who's feet her big sister was so enthralled with



turn into this young woman, who this young man is so enthralled with?



I see Anja and I wonder if maybe somehow I can put her in stasis so that she stays a little girl. Surely there must be a way.

We Found A House!!!

We looked at a house yesterday and it was abundantly clear almost immediately that this is THE house for our family! I had asked for it to be an obvious choice and that is exactly what was delivered. It is perfect in so many ways - the location, the floor plan (downstairs toilet!), the kitchen (big and open!), the size of the bedrooms, the owners are awesome people, it comes with as much furniture as we want(including a gorgeous kitchen table, and plenty of wardrobes)and it comes with one of the village allotments (established organinc/biodynamic)! Those things are nearly impossible to get without someone dying.

It all just seems too good to be true. We've been through such at time of it lately that to have something so seemingly wonderful happen seems oddly suspicious. I admit I am holding my breath until the last paper is signed and it's a done deal. Even though I know it's all just details that need to be handled, there is a part of me afraid to believe that it is really happening. So don't stop sending all the good mojo that you've been sending our way just yet. Keep it coming until we are in the clear for certain.

Assuming all goes as planned, come late August watch this space for pictures of our new home! Hooray!

Beautiful Blossoms

I haven't been to the new orchard in a very long time (It may have been as long ago as during the last harvest unless there is a gap in my memory.) So yesterday was a real treat when I finally managed to get over there to see all the pear trees that Axel and his crew have been busy planting. All 7,500 of them. In three days. I kid you not. Did I mention how hard he's been working?

While I was there I noticed that some of the apple trees that were recently planted were still in bloom. I was very happy to see this since I missed the primary explosion of blossoms in early May. One row of these trees in particular caught my eye. The color of the blossoms is a deep vibrant, almost on the verge of purple. I had never seen such a color in apple blossoms, most of which are a white with hints of pink. I asked Axel what variety it was and he could not remember exactly, but said that it was either sunlight or moonlight but that he would have to check his list to be sure. They planted a few new varieties to test this year. I also learned that not only are the flowers an unusual color but the flesh of the apples they produce will also be unusual. They will be red inside as well as outside! I don't know much about this type of apple, but from what I gather its a rare variety that they are introducing back into the market. I can't wait to get a look and a taste of them.

I had brought my camera along (double checking that I had my memory card) in hopes of getting a good picture of the new pear trees, which as it turns out don't make much of a photo right now. Maybe once they take root and start getting leaves. So much to my delight I was able to take some pictures of these gorgeous blossoms and even managed to get some snaps of a bee busy doing it's part to help with the apple growing business.

Here are a couple more shots. I could sit and look at these flowers all day. They are so beautiful, and exactly what I needed to lift my spirits.

If I Only Had A Brain

If I had a brain, I would have spent this afternoon sorting through the dozens of great pictures I took this morning of Anja as she danced her little heart out. If I had a brain, I would be posting pictures of her as she did her English Country dancing with her schoolmates for the Village Twinning Celebration Day. (Twinning is the UK version of the 'sister-city' thing for our US readers) If I had a brain you would see her dancing her heart out, smiling ear to ear, and wearing a read shirt while everyone else was wearing white which made it really easy to spot her in the group. (Not quite sure where the communication breakdown in the day's dress code was. But it is quintessential Anja to stand out like that.)

If I had a brain I would have remembered to put the memory card in the camera before I left. If I had a brain I would have looked at the camera and noticed that while I was busy snapping away it was trying to tell me that my memory card was missing. But since I don't have a brain, I didn't. I do have a heart, and it is very sad because I really wanted to share those pictures with you, and I really would have liked to be able to sit with Anja this evening so she could see herself dancing with such glee. But I don't have a brain, So I can't. Hopefully your imagination is working better than my brain. It really was a fun time.

Searching For A Home

It has started. The viewing of potential houses to rent and call home. There are very slim pickings here in our little village, so with each house we view comes the question of if we decide against it, whether or not something better - or something else at all - will come around. Today we went to see a house that we had spoken to the landlord a few weeks ago. We had high hopes for it. The timing of the availability was right, the price was high but still within our budget,it was in a good location, and most importantly it was available for a long term lease so we could be guaranteed not to have to move again soon. But it wasn't really what we had hoped. It is small. Very small. The house we live in now is already very small and this one was even smaller. The only way it could work is if the 2 girls who share a bedroom (currently Kiah and Anja, though that can be changed as needed) would agree to bunk beds. We might be able to get Anja to go with a bunk (she would be automatically assigned the top by default of age) but even then it would be a tight squeeze for a teenager and a 7 year old. Fine for two younger kids, but teens just take up more space than the littles do. It's not just their bodies that get bigger. But in a pinch we could make due.

The question is - are we in a pinch or not? There is one other house that we know of currently that is on the same street that we lived on 2 houses ago. We have an appointment on Monday morning to look at it, and I am really hoping that it will be a clearly better option for us so that we can agree to it and have this settled. We need to let the landlord from the house we looked at today know by Thursday evening if we want it. She has 4-5 other parties interested in it. We were the first to contact her so we get first refusal. But that she has so many people asking on a house that was just listed last week makes us really nervous. We've included surrounding areas in our search knowing that it will be hard to find something in our village and even then we aren't finding much at all. Landlords are selling right and left because they are running into financial troubles of their own and needing to free up assets (which is what happened with ours) and that means that there is a glut of people being thrust into the pool looking for a place to rent. It's not a market in favor of the renter at all.

If we were going to be here all summer and able to look at houses that come available in July we might not feel so pressed, but the timing of coming back at the end of July and being up against the clock in finding a place to live is not at all appealing. But then again, neither is the idea of committing to a house that is not right for us out of desperation.

Keep your fingers crossed that the right choice is clear to us when it comes. And that the right choice makes itself known soon.

Pear Trees, Prom Plans, and Acceptance

Its been a wild ride of a week around here. From the surface it seemed deceptively quiet and normal, but underneath the calm facade there was much stirring - some things that are rocking our foundations.

Having spent the past few weeks preparing the newest property for planting,Axel has been busy this week with the arrival of several hundred pear trees which now must be put into the ground they have prepared. The next phase of work on the new barn has begun with pouring of the concrete flooring. Both very time sensitive and time consuming projects. He's working hard to meet the demands of his job and doing his best to keep up with the many things (and people) who need him at home. I admire his hard work and commitment to doing it all, but at the same time I worry about how long he can keep this up. Farming alone is a demanding profession, but when you add to it all that he has on his plate outside of it - the load is more than daunting.

Sunday Kiah completed her prom ensemble with the perfect pair of shoes, to go with her dream dress. The acquisition of new curling iron has meant a week of testing out hairstyles and practicing for the big event. On Thursday I was delighted to be able to get her a custom designed necklace/earring/bracelet set, which I wrote about over at Divinely Crafty. I'm sure there are a couple of little details that have been overlooked, but for the most part she is all set and full of anticipation. Bonus in this is that she will also be wearing it all to Matt and Niamh's wedding in July which takes more than a little pressure off of the 11 days between the time we land in the States and the wedding. She is quick to point out that she still needs something for the rehearsal dinner, but one down out of two is good in my book.

Mixed in with all this busy work, and eager anticipation has been some very hard to swallow news. I say "news" but in truth, its nothing new - its old stuff that we knew was on its way but had hoped would not come to pass. To start with, the situation with our home has been resolved. Our landlord conceded that we were indeed correct that our lease guaranteed us residence until the end of August. However, as we expected, rather than accept our offer of letting them out of the lease in exchange for financial compensation, they have instead opted to see the lease to its original end, requiring us to move by the 30th of August and offering us nothing in compensation. While we would certainly have welcomed a little bit of extra cash, we are happy to have at least held them to their contractual obligations. And we look forward to when we do vacate the property and can wash our hands of a relationship that has long been a source of disappointment and which has led to much disillusion of the integrity of an organization which we once put so much faith in. At risk of being overly philosophical about it (as if that has ever stopped me...) I look at it from the perspective of the fall archetypal innocent from which one can move into the archetypal orphan/victim or into that of warrior. I hope that we can go the way of the warrior and get back up on our horses and continue on made stronger by our wounds. In less philosophical terms - it will feel good to flip them the bird as we drive away. Onward and Upward!

The other matter that has been put out where we can no longer ignore it is that of my health. It had seemed that when I went to the States and began my new treatment that I had turned a corner and was on the road to wellness. That has turned out to be far from how it is. What improvement I did make has all but reversed itself. I'm back to not being able to do much of anything on my own, and even with help I am in too much pain and too tired to accomplish much. We have asked ourselves a million times "Why?" and we have theories which are wide in range. But the truth is we don't know why. Perhaps its just a setback and we need to keep on with the treatment, maybe its not. The heart wrenching fact is that we don't have the resources to gamble on it. With me not being able to work and the myriad of implications that brings, its not a risk we can take. If we felt more confident of the potential for success maybe we could look further in that direction, but without it bringing me to being able to provide income (which is needed to pay for the treatment) its just not feasible. We knew going into it that it was going to be tight, but we did so with the hope that I would be well enough to work as a result. But thats not happening. Further to that, we have been making the rounds to the various specialists within the health system here who would be best suited to help me, and have been told (rather bluntly and lacking in compassion by one of them) that I was not going to get answers or cures no matter how many doctor's doors I go knocking on, and that I best start accepting that like it or not - I have an illness (actually a couple illnesses) that no one knows the cause of, that no one knows how to cure, and that will be mine to cope with for the rest of my life. Talk about a slap into reality. Its not something any of us want to hear, and we are at a loss as how to receive it. The archetypal models I spoke of earlier of victim and warrior come into play in this as well. This horse is going to be harder to get back up on. The wounds are much deeper.

Today I am Blogging For Serenity

Serenity is the youngest daughter of a dear friend of mine. Like most other 2 year olds she runs her mother ragged but manages to fill her heart with love beyond measure. Unlike most other 2 years olds, Serenity was recently diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia.

There is no lack of appeals on the internet for help with raising funds for sick children. Its a sad fact of life that children do sometimes get sick with horrible life threatening illnesses, and an even sadder fact of life that the financial burden that comes with having a sick child adds untold amounts of distress to a family. I'm not in the habit of appealing for help in most of these cases, not out of lack of concern or charity, but because I would bankrupt myself if I contributed to every one and I am sure that most everyone else is in the same spot. And given the anonymity of the internet and the dark side of humankind who would abuse the good intentions of donors, there is always the risk that god forbid, a plea for donations might be a scam.

But to me, personally, because of my friendship with Serenity's mother and the untold gifts and blessings that I have received by knowing her, this one I need to pass on to whoever might be able to help. While I am sure it pales in comparison to the devastation that Serenity's family is experiencing, the news of this has shaken me to my core. I have donated every last bit I had to give, which I will admit is not very much. My own family struggles to make ends meet every day, large in part to my own health concerns. Yet,this is one of those times where I could sit back and in anyway justify withholding even the smallest amount I had available. If we can afford to go to the pub and have a few drinks one night, then we could afford to give at least that much to help Serenity's family. We can still go out with our friends, but drink a glass of water instead, and feel better drinking that plain old beverage than we would from any other drink, knowing that our small sacrifice is going to help make a terrible situation the slightest bit easier to bear.

With this I ask that anyone who is reading this today also consider making a donation, even and amount that seems too small to matter. Truly, every bit counts.

You can read about Serenity and her family as they journey into life forever changed at Lifting Up Serenity

On behalf of my friend, and all those who love Serenity, thank you.

Who Am I Blogging For?

Much of the time I don't know exactly what to post about. I know I want to post, but I am not sure what, if anything, I have to say will be interesting to anyone. Or perhaps it might be too interesting and better kept off the web, if you know what I mean. It brings to mind the question that I am sure that many bloggers have which is "Who am I blogging for?"

Me? I blog for a few different reasons and for several different people. In this blog my primary focus is to keep my family and friends updated on our lives so far away.(I also blog at Divinely Crafty for entirely different purposes.) We started this blog as a group effort of the whole family back in 2005 when we were preparing for our big move. It quickly ended up being just me who ever posted so at some point I assumed sole authorship of the blog. That was fine with me. I love having total editorial control, and as official blabber mouth of my family I am well suited to the role. My primary problem being what I opened this post with: I often find myself not knowing which, if any, of the moments of our days are worthy of documenting and asking others to take time out of their own days to read.

There isn't much variation to the routine of our days. Wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast, go off to our various schools and jobs. Or in my case - wake up,take my medicines, go back to bed,wake up again when brought a cup of tea, and when everyone else has gone off to do their thing, I prop myself up in my bed with my laptop, my knitting,a good book, a jug of water,and dream of what I might do if I only I could. Its not very exciting really, and there is only so many times I can write about the birds I watch from my bedroom window or fuss about the weather. When the time of day arrives that the rest of the family begins to return home, it's time for playing with friends, working on school work, and the daily ritual of asking me what's for dinner. A question that hits me hard on days that I am at my worst as it highlights just how limited I am in what I can do. Once everyone is fed either by something I have mustered up the energy to make or what Axel throws together when he comes home from work, it's time for winding down, taking baths, reading stories, and going to bed. The sun comes up the next day and it all begins again.

Not much to write about. Or is there? Maybe the little things - the details- that give life to our routines would be of interest. Things that if we were living close to our loved ones we might chat about on the phone or over a cup of tea. Things like how much Anja loves to run around in the back garden with her friends, how Kiah has been studying intently for her GCSE exams and has found herself a sweet boy called Dougie who she managed to talk out of wearing a purple shirt to prom. How Axel works from sun up to sun down and takes on so many of the things I am not able to do. How Dylan is working her way through her own challenges and finding her way into young adulthood. How I read something or saw something in my travels through the internets that got me thinking or inspired me.

Perhaps I will try that approach to this blog. Instead of feeling compelled to always have at least one interesting picture to share or grand story to tell, simply sitting down with a cup of tea and "chatting" about the little things and when there is a picture or big news to share I'll do that too. Recognizing that the details of our days may seem small and unimportant, but that in truth they shape us, and are shaped by who we are. They're not so small and unimportant after all.

***Poof***

If you are coming here to look for a post about a situation with us in regards to our housing - it's gone. My wise brother pointed out that the detail in the post might serve against us, so I took it down. Immediate family members and close friends may email me for the scoop, but the rest of you are just going to have to wonder what the heck is up. Sorry. When it is all settled I can give more information.

Catching Up. An epic update.

Time to make up for my severe lack of updates. Are you ready for an onslaught of pictures and stories about what we have been up to in the past several months? Go make yourself a cup of tea and get cozy because this might take awhile!

Shortly after I lost posted was Anja's 7th birthday. I agreed to have a party for her while I was in the States, and despite not feeling so red hot I couldn't disappoint so party we did. It was a very simple party but all the kids had fun. As a matter of fact, one sweet little party guest turned to me during the festivities and said that it was the most fun he had ever had at a birthday party. High praise indeed!

We started off the day with making party hats. Give kids pretty colored paper, funky scissors and glitter glue and they are off and creating crowns fit for royalty.



Next up was a rousing round of Pass The Parcel. This game seems to be obligatory at birthday parties here. I confess that I had not heard of it before we moved here and found out that I missed a crucial step in preparation (a little surprise between each layer of wrapping) but it was a hit nonetheless. It took up a nice chunk of time too since Dylan and Kiah wrapped it in what must have been no less than a couple dozen layers!



Our friend and neighbor, Simon, came around to tell the kids a couple of stories. I wish you could hear the incredible expression that he tells these stories with. He is such a talented storyteller and had the kids completed enthralled (and alternately splitting their sides with laughter) with his tales. This was my favorite part of the whole day.



In order to save myself some effort of decorating a cake (and the expense of buying one a the bakery) we had the kids decorate cupcakes. Some ended up with more frosting than cake. They were interesting to say the least.



And last but by no means least - we finished the day with a pinata. We had to explain to the poor deprived British children what a pinata was (Preparing for the party we asked someone here where we could buy one their reply was "What's a pinata!" Thank goodness for internet shopping!) but they all got the basic gist of it and all rushed in for the loot grab when it broke open.



Did you notice how sunny it was in those pictures? It was even warm(ish) that day. Well the very next day we got 6 inches of SNOW and all the kids in the village headed for the golf course for sledding. Unfortunately the batteries on the camera died so Axel didn't get any pictures of the fun, but it must have been good cold fun because Anja came back duly frozen and exhausted.

That was early April. The rest of the month went past fairly quietly. The weather was typical English gray and wet. I love the green here that is so beautiful over the countryside, but the wet that is required to get it that way is not so great. After spending time in New Mexico where even an overcast day is brighter than a sunny day here, it was quite the bitter pill to swallow being thrust back into the dark and dreary skies.

May, however, brought sunny skies and warm days with it for the first couple weeks. Not wanting to risk missing what could potentially be the only sun we see for a long while, we took maximum advantage of every ray. On May Day bank holiday we went to the May Fayre at Emerson. A friend of ours asked Axel to fill in for her dance partner for the May Pole performance. He had just a week and a couple quick rehearsals to catch up, but he did a marvelous job and had a blast doing it. I love dancing that may pole, but of course I am not able to right now so the next best thing was to be able to watch as Axel danced with our friend.

I spent most of the day sitting on a blanket in the sun (getting a good dose of the Vitamin D I so desperately need) and working on a blanket I am knitting for our friends here who are getting married in June. Axel and Anja ran around playing games eating yummy treats. I admit to being a tad jealous as they enjoyed some delicious looking chocolate cake. But Axel won a coconut for me at the coconut shy so I did get a bit of my own special treat. Yummmmy fresh coconut!

Here are some pictures of the day. (As always - there are more in our flickr so be sure to check them out!)

The perfect day for a festival!


Dancing the maypole


The kids were invited to dance a round after the performance


The dancers and musicians


Axel all decked out in his dancing clothes! Isn't he cute?


Me and Anja at home after a full day of May Day sun and celebration.



That's it for May Day. But wait - there is more May sun fun to share! The week following May Fayre was filled with warmth and sunshine and by the weekend the temperature was almost hot. (As hot as it gets here. Its all relative.) So we packed a picnic and headed off to our favorite quiet seaside town for the day.



Anja had a great time playing in the water (Freezing her bum off. The sun may have been out and the air may have been warm, but the water was ccccold!)



We weren't the only ones with the idea to have a day at the beach. Some of them were even more insane than Anja was and went for a full swim. Crazy I tell you. There was also a little sailing regatta taking place.



And with that the weather turned back to a more typical pattern. The cold and gray returned, and with it what little respite I had been given from the intense aches and pains that it brings was gone as fast as it came. Who knows when the sun and warm will return. Word on the street is that this past week was a fluke and that we are in for more seasonable weather and that summer is still a long way off. I can't say I would be disappointed if this was one of the times the weatherman was wrong.

The month is quickly coming to a close with Kiah doing her GCSE exams. Today she got the most stressful of her exams out of the way so hopefully it is smooth sailing from here on out for her. Dylan, much to our sadness, has decided to move out of the house at the end of the month. I know she is excited about this big step, but I am having a hard time with it. She is my baby and I don't think she is ready to grow up like that. There is going to be a huge void in our home without her here. Anja is as full of life as ever. She is in a drama club after school and will be putting on a play in the near future. She is also going to be doing some country dancing at the village twinning day celebration in mid June. Kiah is going to prom with her sweet boyfriend, Dougie a few days after her 16th birthday (how can that be possible!!) and then it will be time for us to get packed and head out to Seattle for Matt and Niamh's wedding! Time, as they say, is flying!

If you have made it to the end of this post, my congratulations and thanks to you. I promise to give a more steady stream of shorter updates in the future. Like I said, there are a few more pictures in the flickr (just click on any of the pictures and it will take you there) so if you still have some time to kill go on over and take a look!

Back Home

Being away from home is hard. Being away for such a long time is even harder. Being away for a long time when you are not feeling well is hardest of all. Even when you are in a beautiful and peaceful place with people who love and care for you, if it isn't home, something just isn't right.

But now I am back home. Home is a different house than what I left, but it is home nonetheless. Home to the snuggles and hugs and kisses that keep us all going.

I arrived to a cold and rainy day which has given way to two days of snow. It is a hair too warm to stick for long, but white flakes have been gently falling and excited tongues have been stuck out ready to catch them. The sky is dark and gray and the air is damp. A big change from where I spent the past several weeks, and my ever sensitive body is complaining loudly. I feel like I am letting everyone down by not returning in full good health, ready to take on the world. I know I am better than when I left, and that I will continue to improve, but feeling the setback of the strain of traveling and the change of climate is discouraging. Hopefully once I get back on track with the time and the routines things will begin to continue on the path of improvement.

Yet I am home with those I love most in this world and it is exactly where I want to be.

Winter Walk Day 8

door latch
Originally uploaded by BeneathOurFeet

Its little thing like the latches on the doors that I really love about living in this house.

This is the latch on the inside of my bedroom door with the peg in to lock it from those who might be tempted to disturb my slumber.

Winter Walk Day 7

chop wood
Originally uploaded by BeneathOurFeet

Back on the winter walk...

Axel taught Anja how to chop up wood for the fireplace today. She earned a few quid for the chore, which she immediately bought sweets with. Some things are very predictable.

Winter Walk To Valentines Day #4

I missed #3. That didn't take long for me to fail in the every day category. Ah well - onwards we go.

Today I chose a picture I took while in Amsterdam this summer. It is the front door of Anne Frank's House.

The past few days have brought some very disappointing news about my options for getting the type of care I need here. Since late November I have been more or less housebound because of pain and fatigue caused by fibromylagia, and things are getting worse. I do my best to keep a positive outlook, but it is hard when hopes are taken away like they were yesterday. I feel trapped in my home. Trapped in my body.

What I am dealing with is not at all on the level of trapped that the Frank family must have felt hiding out in the tiny hidden rooms of their house, literally fearing for their life with every step they took. Yet reflecting on this image and the legacy that such a young girl left behind reminds me that even when there is not a happy ending, there is still great value in a life lived to its fullest within whatever limitations present themselves.

Winter Walk To Valentine's - Day 2

frosty field
Originally uploaded by BeneathOurFeet

I took this picture over the Christmas holidays. It is the view from my bedroom window looking to the horse fields behind the house. When we moved in during the spring the trees provided a curtain that has now been drawn to unveil the horses and hills that were hidden. I chose this picture today because as I write this, the field is once again flooded due to heavy rainfall. It has been raining buckets for a few days and show to keep it up for at least a few more. In July these same fields and the road that runs in front of our house were under several feet of water. Luckily then our house didn't flood, but with the ground still heavy deep from all the rain we had last "summer" things are certain to get bad quickly. Wish us luck and send us stay dry or stay afloat thoughts!

Its a Blog Party! Winter Walk To Valentine's Day 1

Kristarae, my sweet friend at Blessings of An Herbwyfe is hosting a blog party! The theme of the party is "A Winter Walk To Valentine's Day" and the idea is to post pictures and brief thoughts that go with them about your daily life in the hibernation of winter. The goal is to post one picture each day between now and Valentine's Day. Now I don't know if I will be able to post every day, but I will make a valiant effort.

I will start out today with a less than stellar quality picture (sorry Axel, I love you but you can't take a picture to save your life and there is only so much magic I can do!) of Anja today as she begins her violin lessons! The lessons are offered through her school, once a week during school time. Anja has been begging for the better part of a year or more to take violin lessons so when they became available through school we jumped at the opportunity. She will be learning the Suzuki method, which I don't know much about at this point but am sure that will learn more very quickly. Its early days of course, but she came straight home to practice today and couldn't wait to tell me all about how they learned how to hold their instruments. I hope she continues to be so enthusiastic. And I hope that I have the tolerance for the shrieks and shrills that will be emanating from her while she learns. Either that or a good pair of earplugs.

SHHHHH.... Listen Closely...

Do you hear that? No? Neither do I. And that's just it - there is nothing to hear. It is quiet!

The kids went back to school today. I love 'em to pieces, and we did manage to have a pretty nice Christmas holiday, but I am glad its back to normal around here. First order of business is to take a long uninterrupted nap. Beyond that I have no plans.

I pushed a little harder than I probably should have while the girls were on their break. I am feeling the effects of it pretty deeply these past few days and it will be good to get back into a more restful routine. I used to be able to get by with brief periods of resting between times that I was more active. Now its the opposite. I need to have brief periods of activity between the time that I rest. Simple things like doing the grocery shopping will ensure that I will have a few days of pain and flaring of other symptoms. Its hard to keep from feeling useless when its like this so my response is to push a little harder and accept the consequences. Which is what I have been doing the past couple weeks and it has taken its toll.

On the health front, we are looking into some more treatment options in hopes that I will find some relief and improvement, but so far it's slow going. I need to get referrals that take time to come through. We could go private in lieu of waiting, but that is very expensive so for now we are content to go through the red tape. In the meantime we all do our best to cope with this. And today that means taking a nap. Naps are good!

And so begins 2008

Axel and I toasted the new year last night with a bottle of wine that we bought when we were in Cinque Terre in Summer 2006. When we bought this bottle we didn't know what would qualify as a special enough occasion to open it, but we knew that it would be significant. There were a few times this past year, as we held on tight while the wheel of life took us to highs and lows at a fierce pace, that I considered opening it for both celebration and consolation or even desperation a time or two. I was afraid that I would waste it on the wrong thing, however,so in the cupboard it remained. Waiting.

Until last night. Other than the date on the calendar and a nostalgic wind blowing through the trees, it was no different than many nights in our house these days. Dylan and Kiah were both out with friends. Movie night for one, impromptu party for another. Anja snuggled up with us as we watched a few shows from the past week of BBC television on the BBC iPlayer. Axel made a joke about not having champagne for our big celebration (as he changed into his woolen pajamas) but thought that perhaps I would like a glass of wine nonetheless. It was then that I knew without a doubt, that it was THE moment we had been waiting for. A quiet night at home resting and relaxing.

I realized that it was not for lack of significant moments in which to pop the cork that we held off. Instead it was for the moment when 2007 was coming to an end when we could raise our glasses to all the celebration, consolation, and desperation that came and went in the year and bid gratitude for the lessons and growth they brought. And to breathe with relief and amazement that we have seen another year pass and live to tell about it. It was a hard year. Some pretty big stuff happened in our lives this past year. Same as every year I suppose, but to me it seemed a bit more heavily weighted in the number of times I found myself repeating "This too shall pass. This too shall pass. " Thankfully, it passed.

And so begins 2008. Another typical day in our house. Anja is bouncing off the walls and onto daddy's back. Poor Axel can't get 5 minutes rest from her adoring pleas to 'do something with daddy'(which is arguably her favorite thing to do in all the world). Dylan is at work until later this evening and Kiah is home taking it easy after staying up until 6:00am at her movie night. She claims not to be at all tired, but I don't think she can claim to be energetic. I am at my laptop reading posts like this one by my friends and others in their blogs, watching the trees sway and I feel a cold air creep in with that same nostalgic wind that was blowing last night. I wonder if it will snow.