Its been a wild ride of a week around here. From the surface it seemed deceptively quiet and normal, but underneath the calm facade there was much stirring - some things that are rocking our foundations.
Having spent the past few weeks preparing the newest property for planting,Axel has been busy this week with the arrival of several hundred pear trees which now must be put into the ground they have prepared. The next phase of work on the new barn has begun with pouring of the concrete flooring. Both very time sensitive and time consuming projects. He's working hard to meet the demands of his job and doing his best to keep up with the many things (and people) who need him at home. I admire his hard work and commitment to doing it all, but at the same time I worry about how long he can keep this up. Farming alone is a demanding profession, but when you add to it all that he has on his plate outside of it - the load is more than daunting.
Sunday Kiah completed her prom ensemble with the perfect pair of shoes, to go with her dream dress. The acquisition of new curling iron has meant a week of testing out hairstyles and practicing for the big event. On Thursday I was delighted to be able to get her a custom designed necklace/earring/bracelet set, which I wrote about over at Divinely Crafty. I'm sure there are a couple of little details that have been overlooked, but for the most part she is all set and full of anticipation. Bonus in this is that she will also be wearing it all to Matt and Niamh's wedding in July which takes more than a little pressure off of the 11 days between the time we land in the States and the wedding. She is quick to point out that she still needs something for the rehearsal dinner, but one down out of two is good in my book.
Mixed in with all this busy work, and eager anticipation has been some very hard to swallow news. I say "news" but in truth, its nothing new - its old stuff that we knew was on its way but had hoped would not come to pass. To start with, the situation with our home has been resolved. Our landlord conceded that we were indeed correct that our lease guaranteed us residence until the end of August. However, as we expected, rather than accept our offer of letting them out of the lease in exchange for financial compensation, they have instead opted to see the lease to its original end, requiring us to move by the 30th of August and offering us nothing in compensation. While we would certainly have welcomed a little bit of extra cash, we are happy to have at least held them to their contractual obligations. And we look forward to when we do vacate the property and can wash our hands of a relationship that has long been a source of disappointment and which has led to much disillusion of the integrity of an organization which we once put so much faith in. At risk of being overly philosophical about it (as if that has ever stopped me...) I look at it from the perspective of the fall archetypal innocent from which one can move into the archetypal orphan/victim or into that of warrior. I hope that we can go the way of the warrior and get back up on our horses and continue on made stronger by our wounds. In less philosophical terms - it will feel good to flip them the bird as we drive away. Onward and Upward!
The other matter that has been put out where we can no longer ignore it is that of my health. It had seemed that when I went to the States and began my new treatment that I had turned a corner and was on the road to wellness. That has turned out to be far from how it is. What improvement I did make has all but reversed itself. I'm back to not being able to do much of anything on my own, and even with help I am in too much pain and too tired to accomplish much. We have asked ourselves a million times "Why?" and we have theories which are wide in range. But the truth is we don't know why. Perhaps its just a setback and we need to keep on with the treatment, maybe its not. The heart wrenching fact is that we don't have the resources to gamble on it. With me not being able to work and the myriad of implications that brings, its not a risk we can take. If we felt more confident of the potential for success maybe we could look further in that direction, but without it bringing me to being able to provide income (which is needed to pay for the treatment) its just not feasible. We knew going into it that it was going to be tight, but we did so with the hope that I would be well enough to work as a result. But thats not happening. Further to that, we have been making the rounds to the various specialists within the health system here who would be best suited to help me, and have been told (rather bluntly and lacking in compassion by one of them) that I was not going to get answers or cures no matter how many doctor's doors I go knocking on, and that I best start accepting that like it or not - I have an illness (actually a couple illnesses) that no one knows the cause of, that no one knows how to cure, and that will be mine to cope with for the rest of my life. Talk about a slap into reality. Its not something any of us want to hear, and we are at a loss as how to receive it. The archetypal models I spoke of earlier of victim and warrior come into play in this as well. This horse is going to be harder to get back up on. The wounds are much deeper.
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