Axel and I took a long weekend to Amsterdam. We had gorgeous sunny weather on Saturday and Sunday, though when the wind picked up and the sun went down it was quite cold. Spring might be here, but summer most certainly is not!
It is hard to remember to take pictures when I am just soaking in the scenes, sounds, and smells of a new place, but while we were having a cup of cappuccino these window decorations caught my eye. I particularly liked the red because I saw much red, especially at night. Sadly my nigh photography needs serious improvement.
It was a fun time, and very nice to get away without worry of Children. (though we did get a call whilst in the Van Gogh Museum that Anja had chipped a tooth. All was fine in the end,but shows you are never truly away from it when you are a parent.) I am exhausted after 3 days of going non-stop and very nervous about our trip to France in 10 days. I am feeling a bit better this afternoon than I was yesterday, but still feeling the punishment of daring to be active. This morning I was really angry about how I need to either accept that I will be hurting and tired if I choose to get up and experience life. I spend so much time as I sit and take it easy day in and day out, thinking of all the things I want to do. I think back to when Tina and I went to Amsterdam just 2 years ago on my 40th birthday and how I not only managed to get around on my own, but didn't have to collapse for days when I got back.
I can scarcely think how France will be. I have to admit I am a bit scared and daunted by the prospect of it. I suppose that I will find a way to make it work, but I wonder how far off from how I want it to be that will turn out.
25 March 2009
Amsterdam Weekend
16 March 2009
Fancy Pants Stick
I am so excited to have just ordered a new cane! I like my stand by wooden crook neck can just fine, but it aside from lacking in flair, it is also not very portable. If I want to have it with me when I am out in my scooter or my wheelchair it is a real pain in the behind to have to deal with. I need to have it often when out because many shops in older building don't have access for wheelchairs or if on my scooter it is too big to bring in. Axel and I are going for a weekend getaway to Amsterdam this weekend and I am sure I will need it to go into many places that simply cannot be altered to accommodate access. It is an irritating, but understandable concern, though it does leave me feeling a bit miffed knowing that my friends who are not so lucky as to have the option to get out of their chair can't get into such places.
In my search for a portable/foldable cane I found that they all seemed to scream OLD LADY. Well, I may look like an old lady and may even act like one at times, but I am not one. Not yet. I was thrilled to find SwitchSticks whilst googling "funky cane". Today I ordered this little beauty
How cool is that? Definitely not your grandma's cane! It should arrive in a couple days, just in time for our trip. We leave on Friday evening. I will try and get another post or two in before we leave!
In my search for a portable/foldable cane I found that they all seemed to scream OLD LADY. Well, I may look like an old lady and may even act like one at times, but I am not one. Not yet. I was thrilled to find SwitchSticks whilst googling "funky cane". Today I ordered this little beauty
How cool is that? Definitely not your grandma's cane! It should arrive in a couple days, just in time for our trip. We leave on Friday evening. I will try and get another post or two in before we leave!
13 March 2009
The Birds Are Back!
Since Anja was a wee baby, one of my most treasured parts of the day is that part of the morning when the birds are out and chirping wildly. Having been out on their hunt for food when the sun rose, they are ready to get busy with the days nest building chores. Busy noisy birds flit around the garden. It used to be the time of day when I was trying my best to keep Anja in bed for a few more precious minutes. We would hide under the covers and be really quiet so that we could hear the birdies. The key part being quiet, for too soon it would be time for us to get on with our busy day. Now that Anja is in school by this time it is just me listening.
Each spring I wait for the return of the birds. It seems that in years past it has come sooner than this year, but that might be my impatience for a change in the weather making it appear that way. The past couple weeks I have been listening with a hopeful ear to see if they were back. Each morning I listened, but sadly heard nothing. This morning however, I was delighted by a full chorus of little peeps and chirps! Spring is on it's way! The smile on my face and the peace in my heart at that moment is a feeling I want to remember.
Yesterday I awoke to the news that I had become an Aunt again as my brother and sister in law welcomed their baby girl to the world. And then today the birds are back. New life, new beginnings, and love all around. I love the spring!
Each spring I wait for the return of the birds. It seems that in years past it has come sooner than this year, but that might be my impatience for a change in the weather making it appear that way. The past couple weeks I have been listening with a hopeful ear to see if they were back. Each morning I listened, but sadly heard nothing. This morning however, I was delighted by a full chorus of little peeps and chirps! Spring is on it's way! The smile on my face and the peace in my heart at that moment is a feeling I want to remember.
Yesterday I awoke to the news that I had become an Aunt again as my brother and sister in law welcomed their baby girl to the world. And then today the birds are back. New life, new beginnings, and love all around. I love the spring!
10 March 2009
Apples and Peanut Butter
I can't get enough. Seriously. If I thought that I could live on a diet of just apples and peanut butter I might try it. In the past few weeks there has been several days that my calorie intake would have been better if I had only eaten them. (Because it was the other things I ate, like veggies and some lean meat that upped the total, right?)
I don't understand this craving. I have never been a big fan of the ol' PB. It was one of those take it or leave it sort of foods. Then one day I read a comment from a friend who said that she was indulging in too many apples with peanut butter and a switch flipped in my head. What a delicious sounding combination! So I gave it a try. What began as curiosity has now blossomed into a full fledged obsession. There is a program on the BBC about weird eaters. They have had people who only eat pasta, people who only eat cheese, people who only eat baked beans. If I don't cool it, pretty soon they will be ringing me up to offer me a spot on the show for eating only apples and peanut butter. I didn't have any peanut butter in the house for a few days and made it through them with only slight withdrawl. So I figured I was safe to have Axel pick up some on the way home today. Of course this was the addiction talking, and since the time he came home 5 hours ago I have had 3 apples with the better part of 4-5 tablespoons of peanut butter. I am tracking my calories on Sparkpeople and have cheated by only entering 3 tablespoons. Clearly an act of a guilty addict. As if not entering the overflow of the tablespoons nullified their calorie content.
I will go to bed tonight dreaming of my breakfast tomorrow. Apple with peanut butter. It is nuts! Nuts I tell you!
I don't understand this craving. I have never been a big fan of the ol' PB. It was one of those take it or leave it sort of foods. Then one day I read a comment from a friend who said that she was indulging in too many apples with peanut butter and a switch flipped in my head. What a delicious sounding combination! So I gave it a try. What began as curiosity has now blossomed into a full fledged obsession. There is a program on the BBC about weird eaters. They have had people who only eat pasta, people who only eat cheese, people who only eat baked beans. If I don't cool it, pretty soon they will be ringing me up to offer me a spot on the show for eating only apples and peanut butter. I didn't have any peanut butter in the house for a few days and made it through them with only slight withdrawl. So I figured I was safe to have Axel pick up some on the way home today. Of course this was the addiction talking, and since the time he came home 5 hours ago I have had 3 apples with the better part of 4-5 tablespoons of peanut butter. I am tracking my calories on Sparkpeople and have cheated by only entering 3 tablespoons. Clearly an act of a guilty addict. As if not entering the overflow of the tablespoons nullified their calorie content.
I will go to bed tonight dreaming of my breakfast tomorrow. Apple with peanut butter. It is nuts! Nuts I tell you!
05 March 2009
Spring Thaw and Coming Out Of Hibernation
It's been a rough winter. A very rough winter.
I have kept discussion of my illness, fibromyagia, off this blog. My thinking was that this was a blog about my family. About the things that we do together and a record of growth and change, not about my illness. The result of this though has been extended periods of inactivity on the blog because my illness took a starring role in life for everyone. It is a part of my family no matter how much I want it not to be. It is the reason why we don't do many things that I would otherwise find "blog worthy". Days meld into weeks and weeks into months sometimes when I am feeling very bad. It is hard to be upbeat and positive when feeling so beaten down. By keeping my illness off of this blog I have forced myself into a false pretense of everything being wonderful, and short changing myself on the opportunity to write about life, which does go on even in the midst of my struggle.
This winter saw the one year mark of my acceptance of the extent of my illness. A milestone that I would rather not to have reached. When I accepted how my illness had come to be in my life, I did so with reservation. I accepted it, but refused to believe that it was unbeatable. If you would have asked me at that time if in a year I would still be in the same place, possibly even worse, I would have said that there was no way. Yet, a year came and went and I found myself in just that place. In that year I went from great hope and optimism that I had found the answer to my illness, to despair that what looked like a way out was an entrance to another labyrinth. Not all was wasted on my efforts (and the vast amount of money I spent) but the naiveté that I approached it with is gone. I have learned many great things about how to live a better life with my illness, but with that comes the real acceptance of how things are. I am no longer looking for life without being sick, but instead looking for how to live my life to it's fullest with being sick. Something that is easier said that done.
So, with this 'outing' of myself and my limitations (I know I am greatly dissapointing those of you who were believing my act of being constantly fabulous... ;) ) I enter yet another new chapter in my blogging life. That of life as it really is - the ups and the downs. The glamorous with the yucky.
Watch this space. It might get interesting.
I have kept discussion of my illness, fibromyagia, off this blog. My thinking was that this was a blog about my family. About the things that we do together and a record of growth and change, not about my illness. The result of this though has been extended periods of inactivity on the blog because my illness took a starring role in life for everyone. It is a part of my family no matter how much I want it not to be. It is the reason why we don't do many things that I would otherwise find "blog worthy". Days meld into weeks and weeks into months sometimes when I am feeling very bad. It is hard to be upbeat and positive when feeling so beaten down. By keeping my illness off of this blog I have forced myself into a false pretense of everything being wonderful, and short changing myself on the opportunity to write about life, which does go on even in the midst of my struggle.
This winter saw the one year mark of my acceptance of the extent of my illness. A milestone that I would rather not to have reached. When I accepted how my illness had come to be in my life, I did so with reservation. I accepted it, but refused to believe that it was unbeatable. If you would have asked me at that time if in a year I would still be in the same place, possibly even worse, I would have said that there was no way. Yet, a year came and went and I found myself in just that place. In that year I went from great hope and optimism that I had found the answer to my illness, to despair that what looked like a way out was an entrance to another labyrinth. Not all was wasted on my efforts (and the vast amount of money I spent) but the naiveté that I approached it with is gone. I have learned many great things about how to live a better life with my illness, but with that comes the real acceptance of how things are. I am no longer looking for life without being sick, but instead looking for how to live my life to it's fullest with being sick. Something that is easier said that done.
So, with this 'outing' of myself and my limitations (I know I am greatly dissapointing those of you who were believing my act of being constantly fabulous... ;) ) I enter yet another new chapter in my blogging life. That of life as it really is - the ups and the downs. The glamorous with the yucky.
Watch this space. It might get interesting.
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