My Little Princess

My little princess isn't so little anymore. She turned 16 last Wednesday and Friday was her prom. Prom here is done the year you finish your GCSE exams since that is the year that students scatter to different schools and training programs. They only get one chance to go to prom, as only those in the finishing class can attend. It is quite the anticipated occasion.

I thought that it was going to be easier when Kiah turned 16 than it was when Dylan turned. You know - because I had been through it before so it was somehow going to be less of an emotional moment for me. Turns out that was wishful thinking. In fact there seems to be a bit more of a bitter sweet this time around. I have a picture of Dylan and Kiah by my bed of when they were just little girls that I look at often. My mind can barely wrap itself around how grown up they are now.

When did this baby, who's feet her big sister was so enthralled with



turn into this young woman, who this young man is so enthralled with?



I see Anja and I wonder if maybe somehow I can put her in stasis so that she stays a little girl. Surely there must be a way.

We Found A House!!!

We looked at a house yesterday and it was abundantly clear almost immediately that this is THE house for our family! I had asked for it to be an obvious choice and that is exactly what was delivered. It is perfect in so many ways - the location, the floor plan (downstairs toilet!), the kitchen (big and open!), the size of the bedrooms, the owners are awesome people, it comes with as much furniture as we want(including a gorgeous kitchen table, and plenty of wardrobes)and it comes with one of the village allotments (established organinc/biodynamic)! Those things are nearly impossible to get without someone dying.

It all just seems too good to be true. We've been through such at time of it lately that to have something so seemingly wonderful happen seems oddly suspicious. I admit I am holding my breath until the last paper is signed and it's a done deal. Even though I know it's all just details that need to be handled, there is a part of me afraid to believe that it is really happening. So don't stop sending all the good mojo that you've been sending our way just yet. Keep it coming until we are in the clear for certain.

Assuming all goes as planned, come late August watch this space for pictures of our new home! Hooray!

Beautiful Blossoms

I haven't been to the new orchard in a very long time (It may have been as long ago as during the last harvest unless there is a gap in my memory.) So yesterday was a real treat when I finally managed to get over there to see all the pear trees that Axel and his crew have been busy planting. All 7,500 of them. In three days. I kid you not. Did I mention how hard he's been working?

While I was there I noticed that some of the apple trees that were recently planted were still in bloom. I was very happy to see this since I missed the primary explosion of blossoms in early May. One row of these trees in particular caught my eye. The color of the blossoms is a deep vibrant, almost on the verge of purple. I had never seen such a color in apple blossoms, most of which are a white with hints of pink. I asked Axel what variety it was and he could not remember exactly, but said that it was either sunlight or moonlight but that he would have to check his list to be sure. They planted a few new varieties to test this year. I also learned that not only are the flowers an unusual color but the flesh of the apples they produce will also be unusual. They will be red inside as well as outside! I don't know much about this type of apple, but from what I gather its a rare variety that they are introducing back into the market. I can't wait to get a look and a taste of them.

I had brought my camera along (double checking that I had my memory card) in hopes of getting a good picture of the new pear trees, which as it turns out don't make much of a photo right now. Maybe once they take root and start getting leaves. So much to my delight I was able to take some pictures of these gorgeous blossoms and even managed to get some snaps of a bee busy doing it's part to help with the apple growing business.

Here are a couple more shots. I could sit and look at these flowers all day. They are so beautiful, and exactly what I needed to lift my spirits.

If I Only Had A Brain

If I had a brain, I would have spent this afternoon sorting through the dozens of great pictures I took this morning of Anja as she danced her little heart out. If I had a brain, I would be posting pictures of her as she did her English Country dancing with her schoolmates for the Village Twinning Celebration Day. (Twinning is the UK version of the 'sister-city' thing for our US readers) If I had a brain you would see her dancing her heart out, smiling ear to ear, and wearing a read shirt while everyone else was wearing white which made it really easy to spot her in the group. (Not quite sure where the communication breakdown in the day's dress code was. But it is quintessential Anja to stand out like that.)

If I had a brain I would have remembered to put the memory card in the camera before I left. If I had a brain I would have looked at the camera and noticed that while I was busy snapping away it was trying to tell me that my memory card was missing. But since I don't have a brain, I didn't. I do have a heart, and it is very sad because I really wanted to share those pictures with you, and I really would have liked to be able to sit with Anja this evening so she could see herself dancing with such glee. But I don't have a brain, So I can't. Hopefully your imagination is working better than my brain. It really was a fun time.

Searching For A Home

It has started. The viewing of potential houses to rent and call home. There are very slim pickings here in our little village, so with each house we view comes the question of if we decide against it, whether or not something better - or something else at all - will come around. Today we went to see a house that we had spoken to the landlord a few weeks ago. We had high hopes for it. The timing of the availability was right, the price was high but still within our budget,it was in a good location, and most importantly it was available for a long term lease so we could be guaranteed not to have to move again soon. But it wasn't really what we had hoped. It is small. Very small. The house we live in now is already very small and this one was even smaller. The only way it could work is if the 2 girls who share a bedroom (currently Kiah and Anja, though that can be changed as needed) would agree to bunk beds. We might be able to get Anja to go with a bunk (she would be automatically assigned the top by default of age) but even then it would be a tight squeeze for a teenager and a 7 year old. Fine for two younger kids, but teens just take up more space than the littles do. It's not just their bodies that get bigger. But in a pinch we could make due.

The question is - are we in a pinch or not? There is one other house that we know of currently that is on the same street that we lived on 2 houses ago. We have an appointment on Monday morning to look at it, and I am really hoping that it will be a clearly better option for us so that we can agree to it and have this settled. We need to let the landlord from the house we looked at today know by Thursday evening if we want it. She has 4-5 other parties interested in it. We were the first to contact her so we get first refusal. But that she has so many people asking on a house that was just listed last week makes us really nervous. We've included surrounding areas in our search knowing that it will be hard to find something in our village and even then we aren't finding much at all. Landlords are selling right and left because they are running into financial troubles of their own and needing to free up assets (which is what happened with ours) and that means that there is a glut of people being thrust into the pool looking for a place to rent. It's not a market in favor of the renter at all.

If we were going to be here all summer and able to look at houses that come available in July we might not feel so pressed, but the timing of coming back at the end of July and being up against the clock in finding a place to live is not at all appealing. But then again, neither is the idea of committing to a house that is not right for us out of desperation.

Keep your fingers crossed that the right choice is clear to us when it comes. And that the right choice makes itself known soon.

Pear Trees, Prom Plans, and Acceptance

Its been a wild ride of a week around here. From the surface it seemed deceptively quiet and normal, but underneath the calm facade there was much stirring - some things that are rocking our foundations.

Having spent the past few weeks preparing the newest property for planting,Axel has been busy this week with the arrival of several hundred pear trees which now must be put into the ground they have prepared. The next phase of work on the new barn has begun with pouring of the concrete flooring. Both very time sensitive and time consuming projects. He's working hard to meet the demands of his job and doing his best to keep up with the many things (and people) who need him at home. I admire his hard work and commitment to doing it all, but at the same time I worry about how long he can keep this up. Farming alone is a demanding profession, but when you add to it all that he has on his plate outside of it - the load is more than daunting.

Sunday Kiah completed her prom ensemble with the perfect pair of shoes, to go with her dream dress. The acquisition of new curling iron has meant a week of testing out hairstyles and practicing for the big event. On Thursday I was delighted to be able to get her a custom designed necklace/earring/bracelet set, which I wrote about over at Divinely Crafty. I'm sure there are a couple of little details that have been overlooked, but for the most part she is all set and full of anticipation. Bonus in this is that she will also be wearing it all to Matt and Niamh's wedding in July which takes more than a little pressure off of the 11 days between the time we land in the States and the wedding. She is quick to point out that she still needs something for the rehearsal dinner, but one down out of two is good in my book.

Mixed in with all this busy work, and eager anticipation has been some very hard to swallow news. I say "news" but in truth, its nothing new - its old stuff that we knew was on its way but had hoped would not come to pass. To start with, the situation with our home has been resolved. Our landlord conceded that we were indeed correct that our lease guaranteed us residence until the end of August. However, as we expected, rather than accept our offer of letting them out of the lease in exchange for financial compensation, they have instead opted to see the lease to its original end, requiring us to move by the 30th of August and offering us nothing in compensation. While we would certainly have welcomed a little bit of extra cash, we are happy to have at least held them to their contractual obligations. And we look forward to when we do vacate the property and can wash our hands of a relationship that has long been a source of disappointment and which has led to much disillusion of the integrity of an organization which we once put so much faith in. At risk of being overly philosophical about it (as if that has ever stopped me...) I look at it from the perspective of the fall archetypal innocent from which one can move into the archetypal orphan/victim or into that of warrior. I hope that we can go the way of the warrior and get back up on our horses and continue on made stronger by our wounds. In less philosophical terms - it will feel good to flip them the bird as we drive away. Onward and Upward!

The other matter that has been put out where we can no longer ignore it is that of my health. It had seemed that when I went to the States and began my new treatment that I had turned a corner and was on the road to wellness. That has turned out to be far from how it is. What improvement I did make has all but reversed itself. I'm back to not being able to do much of anything on my own, and even with help I am in too much pain and too tired to accomplish much. We have asked ourselves a million times "Why?" and we have theories which are wide in range. But the truth is we don't know why. Perhaps its just a setback and we need to keep on with the treatment, maybe its not. The heart wrenching fact is that we don't have the resources to gamble on it. With me not being able to work and the myriad of implications that brings, its not a risk we can take. If we felt more confident of the potential for success maybe we could look further in that direction, but without it bringing me to being able to provide income (which is needed to pay for the treatment) its just not feasible. We knew going into it that it was going to be tight, but we did so with the hope that I would be well enough to work as a result. But thats not happening. Further to that, we have been making the rounds to the various specialists within the health system here who would be best suited to help me, and have been told (rather bluntly and lacking in compassion by one of them) that I was not going to get answers or cures no matter how many doctor's doors I go knocking on, and that I best start accepting that like it or not - I have an illness (actually a couple illnesses) that no one knows the cause of, that no one knows how to cure, and that will be mine to cope with for the rest of my life. Talk about a slap into reality. Its not something any of us want to hear, and we are at a loss as how to receive it. The archetypal models I spoke of earlier of victim and warrior come into play in this as well. This horse is going to be harder to get back up on. The wounds are much deeper.

Today I am Blogging For Serenity

Serenity is the youngest daughter of a dear friend of mine. Like most other 2 year olds she runs her mother ragged but manages to fill her heart with love beyond measure. Unlike most other 2 years olds, Serenity was recently diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia.

There is no lack of appeals on the internet for help with raising funds for sick children. Its a sad fact of life that children do sometimes get sick with horrible life threatening illnesses, and an even sadder fact of life that the financial burden that comes with having a sick child adds untold amounts of distress to a family. I'm not in the habit of appealing for help in most of these cases, not out of lack of concern or charity, but because I would bankrupt myself if I contributed to every one and I am sure that most everyone else is in the same spot. And given the anonymity of the internet and the dark side of humankind who would abuse the good intentions of donors, there is always the risk that god forbid, a plea for donations might be a scam.

But to me, personally, because of my friendship with Serenity's mother and the untold gifts and blessings that I have received by knowing her, this one I need to pass on to whoever might be able to help. While I am sure it pales in comparison to the devastation that Serenity's family is experiencing, the news of this has shaken me to my core. I have donated every last bit I had to give, which I will admit is not very much. My own family struggles to make ends meet every day, large in part to my own health concerns. Yet,this is one of those times where I could sit back and in anyway justify withholding even the smallest amount I had available. If we can afford to go to the pub and have a few drinks one night, then we could afford to give at least that much to help Serenity's family. We can still go out with our friends, but drink a glass of water instead, and feel better drinking that plain old beverage than we would from any other drink, knowing that our small sacrifice is going to help make a terrible situation the slightest bit easier to bear.

With this I ask that anyone who is reading this today also consider making a donation, even and amount that seems too small to matter. Truly, every bit counts.

You can read about Serenity and her family as they journey into life forever changed at Lifting Up Serenity

On behalf of my friend, and all those who love Serenity, thank you.