Write, walk away. Come back, delete. There is something I want to say. An impulse rising and carrying me forward. Something to be put in word form and placed it in the stack of all the other thoughts put to word, with little potential of being found or read.
Again it goes. Write, walk away. Come back, delete. Exercising freedom/strength/peace to make thoughts,ideas, words themselves evaporate into nothing. Feeling more relieved than liberated. Spent more than empowered.
This weekend I had the rare opportunity to have had reasonably in depth conversations with other English speaking people. Very rare indeed. I'm still reeling from the experience. Delight in conversation that I can participate fully in quickly shifted and knocked me more than a bit off my balance. It is the source of the thoughts that are calling out to me, begging to become words.
Write, walk away. Come back, delete.
"What do you do?" they asked. "Define yourself! Justify your existence!" is what I felt.
So I ask myself...What does life look like now? What am I dreaming? What is beneath my feet?
I was fascinated to find myself actively observing my answers and analyzing them almost simultaneously as I participated in conversations. At first it wasn't a conscious action, but when I realized what I was doing I chose to continue in awareness. By my observation unexpected insights occurred and continue to deepen.
Deeper I go.
Write, walk away. Come back.
How did you find this place you are in? This space. This place. It found us. We found each other.
What do I do? I live. I observe. I do. I dream. I observe. I love. I observe.
I look beneath my feet. I observe that this journey of 10,000 miles. The journey which defies dimension, time and space. There are no steps forward, no steps back. Just steps. No hills to climb, no hole to fall in. Just different perspectives. No time to pass, no time to save. Just being.
Write. Breathe. Write.
Publish.
.
30 May 2012
17 April 2012
Beneath Our Feet...Today
Ever seeking to answer the call.
Living in a small village in the Lecrin Valley near Granada, Spain. Beautiful 100 years old farmhouse, orange and lemon trees, olives, almonds,garden... we are living a life that seemed beyond reach regardless of what we desired or worked for... until one day it was no longer out of reach because we were in it. I'm still sorting out how we arrived here myself so that is about all I have to say in that regard for now.
Today... it is Springtime! La Primavera. After a relatively mild and dry winter which still managed to kick my ass despite its lack luster performance, the hope and energy that I adore about this season is welcomed! I am giving Gaia all the glory it is due. Yes indeed - we have spring fever!
Las Flores de Azahar - The orange blossoms have been on the verge of bursting until a couple days of saturating rain gave them the nudge they needed. Today they are opening bit by bit all over the place. Word is out to the honey bees of the grand openings and things are buzzing. I will be packing my homeoptathic apis in my pocket at all times - ready to ward off bad reaction to stings. Just in case!
With so many azahar blossoms coming I am researching how to dry them and use them in teas and infusions. Of course the more I research the more ideas I come across of what I can do with these little beauties. I am excited to choose a few to try out this year. Deciding from so many possibilities may be a challenge!
Living in a small village in the Lecrin Valley near Granada, Spain. Beautiful 100 years old farmhouse, orange and lemon trees, olives, almonds,garden... we are living a life that seemed beyond reach regardless of what we desired or worked for... until one day it was no longer out of reach because we were in it. I'm still sorting out how we arrived here myself so that is about all I have to say in that regard for now.
Today... it is Springtime! La Primavera. After a relatively mild and dry winter which still managed to kick my ass despite its lack luster performance, the hope and energy that I adore about this season is welcomed! I am giving Gaia all the glory it is due. Yes indeed - we have spring fever!
Las Flores de Azahar - The orange blossoms have been on the verge of bursting until a couple days of saturating rain gave them the nudge they needed. Today they are opening bit by bit all over the place. Word is out to the honey bees of the grand openings and things are buzzing. I will be packing my homeoptathic apis in my pocket at all times - ready to ward off bad reaction to stings. Just in case!
With so many azahar blossoms coming I am researching how to dry them and use them in teas and infusions. Of course the more I research the more ideas I come across of what I can do with these little beauties. I am excited to choose a few to try out this year. Deciding from so many possibilities may be a challenge!
08 June 2011
What I Didn’t Say
Image: Source
When was the last time you spoke even though your voice was shaking?
What have you not said because you were afraid to shake?
I spoke my truth when we ended the partnership at the finca. I shook so hard I thought I might shatter. But I didn’t shatter - Instead I grew stronger. Speaking my truth ripped through language barrier and made my voice heard clearly. It was Electrifying! My voice was not all that was shaking. I felt as though I could point my finger and sparks would fly from it. Wild.
As much as I loved it - I feared it. I am doing my best to look at that fear to observe it. Getting to know it honestly so that I can let it go. So I can speak my truth, even though my voice is shaking.
So I can speak my truth, even when my voice is still.
11 April 2011
Reading My Own Words
The last post I made a couple months ago spoke of vulnerability. I felt vulnerable then. I had no idea how much more vulnerable I would feel as time carried me forward. Not even going to bother asking if there is even more awaiting around the bend. Don't want to know. I'll meet whatever comes as it comes. Dealing with right now is enough for right now.
The big changes that loomed when I wrote that post happened ... and then more change happened. If I'm being honest, we've been some harder times we have had in a long time. Things look so differently than how we saw them. Not at all how we dreamed them. We've done a lot of letting go. We had to bury many of our dreams. Put them in the ground to see what grows from them. Knowing fully that many are already not viable. It has not been pretty, this transition we've been through. It has been powerful. Very. I'm not going to hash out the details of what has happened here. I may mention bits here and there, but only as they apply in context to something else. As I need to do in my every day life. Appreciating today as much as I can because I really know so rawly right now that tomorrow can throw you a hard curve. Let it be clear that we are actively choosing not to give power to those who would like to suck more energy from us, tell more lies, and use us as props in their dramas. Not being or making victims. The inhale to the exhale of letting go is compassion for our own failings and shortcomings. Still working on that one.
What all of this looks like in living color is our now family of 3 living in the city. No longer on a finca. Not even with a yard. Only tiled patios on which to do our best with container gardening. Our perspective on growing our own food has shifted drastically in location, but not in commitment. No longer focusing being rural farmers, we are looking at ways to bring our ideals and visions to the life that is ours at this moment. Instead of trying to predict what that might look like we are witnessing as it happens.
Looking at each step beneath our feet. Experiencing it fully. Not jumping ahead to the next step, or even assuming that there will be one.
The big changes that loomed when I wrote that post happened ... and then more change happened. If I'm being honest, we've been some harder times we have had in a long time. Things look so differently than how we saw them. Not at all how we dreamed them. We've done a lot of letting go. We had to bury many of our dreams. Put them in the ground to see what grows from them. Knowing fully that many are already not viable. It has not been pretty, this transition we've been through. It has been powerful. Very. I'm not going to hash out the details of what has happened here. I may mention bits here and there, but only as they apply in context to something else. As I need to do in my every day life. Appreciating today as much as I can because I really know so rawly right now that tomorrow can throw you a hard curve. Let it be clear that we are actively choosing not to give power to those who would like to suck more energy from us, tell more lies, and use us as props in their dramas. Not being or making victims. The inhale to the exhale of letting go is compassion for our own failings and shortcomings. Still working on that one.
What all of this looks like in living color is our now family of 3 living in the city. No longer on a finca. Not even with a yard. Only tiled patios on which to do our best with container gardening. Our perspective on growing our own food has shifted drastically in location, but not in commitment. No longer focusing being rural farmers, we are looking at ways to bring our ideals and visions to the life that is ours at this moment. Instead of trying to predict what that might look like we are witnessing as it happens.
Looking at each step beneath our feet. Experiencing it fully. Not jumping ahead to the next step, or even assuming that there will be one.
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